For the past month (plus a week), I’ve been dabbling in different story ideas, trying to figure out what to work on. First it was the love-triangle fantasy. Then it was the steampunk sequel. The time-travel adventure. The fantasy I’ve already written twice. Another fantasy. And now, I’m back to the fantasy I’ve already written. Next week, I might change my mind again.
I’m indecisive (which you are all probably tired of hearing).
For all of these story ideas, I’ve done a bit of work: plotting, openings, character sketches, brainstorming. My biggest problem has been my indecision. As soon as I commit to a certain story, I get this weird nauseous feeling in my chest that it’s not the right story to work on. The fact that I’ve gone multiple times back to the fantasy I’ve already written means something, I think. It’s a story I fell utterly in love with when I first wrote it. During revisions, I fell out of love with it.
I hated the damn thing.
I still hate it, to be perfectly honest. But for whatever godforsaken reason, I feel like it’s the story to write, and that makes me feel insane. The story has gone through seven drafts already (I counted). Just thinking about diving into those already written pages, sifting out the gold, and throwing away the pond scum—it makes my stomach churn. As does rewriting the story.
It isn’t going to be easy, and I think that’s why I’ve avoided it so long. It’s going to be difficult. Really difficult. More difficult than anything I’ve ever done. It scares me. It thrills me. And maybe that fear, that anxiety is what will make this the best rendition yet. I guess I’ll find out.
So, what am I working on right now? A monstrous project. The rewrite of the ages. My first completed novel. My toughest revision. A tale of magic, adventure, and a little bit of romance. And it will be great. I know it will.
What will I be working on next week? Who knows? But I hope it’s the fantasy.
What are you working on?